In June 1988, we left Grace Church-St. Louis to be a part of a new church being started by Jeff Perry, our youth pastor who had left his position at Grace nine months prior. After being one of the premiere WOF churches in the country, Ron Tucker, Grace's pastor, had taken a turn away from the WOF movement and as a result, many staff members, leaders, and members left. It is in this environment that Jeff started his new church just a few miles away from the former church.

I had served as head usher in Grace's youth group and so naturally considered my youth pastor the leading pastoral figure in my life. So, when Jeff started his church, Stella and I and our 1-year-old daughter attended the first service. We immediately love it. Most of our worship team from the youth meetings were there, and the atmosphere was charged with excitement. I became the head usher of this rapidly growing church that was gathering together many of the people who had left our former church. I believe that we started with about 200 and were running well over 500 in a few months.

Jeff spoke of facilitating others, sending out missionaries, etc.- all things he claimed were neglected by our former leaders. He preached against churches that spoke of 'owning sheep.' He came against the 'issues of control' that has dominated the churches in our city. He also spoke against the laity needing to go to a pastor for permission to obey God. Overall, the message was liberating and exactly what the hearers needed to hear.

Stella and I were one of the first missionaries sent out from what is now St. Louis Family Church (SLFC). In September 1990, we set out to go on the Mission field to Central America. There we served until 1994. The highlight of our time in Central America were the two years we spent in Panama running Cocoli Community Chapel on Cocoli Army post ministering to the U.S. Military there.

In 1994, we returned to the U.S. to attend Rhema Bible Training Center. We spent a few months in St. Louis prior to moving to Tulsa. We noticed that there were some things that had changed at SLFC, but it was a busy time for the church since its new building was recently flooded and they were going through building renovations and helping the local community with flood cleanup.

I graduated from Rhema in 1996. Our intent had been to leave immediately to pioneer a church, but Stella and I had some marital difficulties during this time so we decided to stay an extra year in Tulsa. After that year, we decided to move back home for another year off to spend rebuilding our relationship prior to stepping back into the ministry.

When we returned home we noticed many changes at SLFC. It appeared as if the Jeff and Pasty (now Co-Pastor) had control of everything. The church was now 10 years old and had over 2500 in attendance but still did not have a youth pastor. The worship team operated on a rotation basis so there was not one fixed worship leader. A close (ex-) friend informed me that he was told that a "youth pastor and worship leader are the two people who can split your church the quickest." It seemed Jeff was a little paranoid that he would reap what he sowed. It's also important to note that Ron Tucker, Grace's pastor, was a youth pastor at New Covenant prior to leaving to start Grace down the street from New Covenant. I believe that SLFC will never have a youth pastor until Jeff's daughter, Chelsea, is old enough. Jeff seems determined to break this cycle.

Another major changes was that there was only one missionary from our church left on the mission field (even though they supported other popular missionaries). All the missionaries that were sent out in the early days were now back home.

In March 1998, I met with Jeff to tell him I was feeling that the time was right for me to step back into the ministry. He confirmed that the timing was right about this and encouraged me to continue to seek God for direction.

In May 1998, I met with Jeff once again to let him know that I had a desire to assist my brother-in-law who was pioneering a church in our city (about 45 minutes away).

Here's a quick summary of this meeting:

1. He commended me because I ran this by him prior to making a commitment.
2. He mentioned that my effectiveness could be greater serving in a large church vs. a small church.
3. Beginning with the statement, "You don't owe me anything but." he reflected on his helping us through our marital difficulties (I had only spoken to him about 3 times during the whole difficult year we had in Tulsa).
4. He mentioned that he was thinking about me recently and wrote some things down in his day timer about me (which he flipped to) but would share it with me at a later time.
5. He mentioned that we could be forfeiting something that God has for us at his church.
6. He gave us an example of others who had left the church for ministry and fell into adultery, walked away from God, had other tragedies happen in their lives, etc.

In July 1998, I met with Jeff and told him that I had decided that it was "not" God for me to work with my brother-in-law. He confirmed the decision and said he would pray about where God wanted us to plug in at the church.

In the months to follow, God began rekindling the desire for us to pioneer a church. We bought a van in March 1998 and had put over 50,000 miles on it prior to the end of the year. We had begun to take trips to other cities praying about where God would have us pioneer a church. However, in all our trips, our hearts kept coming back to our home city. Specifically, we felt that we should go to the area in which I grew up (even though we somehow knew that this was not an option).

In September 1998, I submitted a proposal to Jeff on pioneering a church as an affiliate of our home church. In a meeting to discuss this proposal, the conversation shifted to whether or not I wanted to work at my home church for a period of time prior to pioneering a church.

While exploring this possibility of working at our home church, we continued to pray about pioneering a church. Since our hearts kept coming back to St. Louis, we knew we could not accept the position offered to us and then leave at some point to pioneer in the same city. On December 01, 1998, I wrote Jeff a letter telling him of this development.

After several unsuccessful attempts to meet with Jeff, I was finally given a quick meeting on 8 January 1999. In this meeting, Jeff said he did not agree with the timing of our pioneering endeavor. He also said that he was seriously considering me for employment and mentioned that serving God in an office was "as holy as preaching." We subsequently met with Don Henning, an associate pastor of SLFC, to discuss this 'offer.'

On January 20, 1999, Stella and I met with Jeff to tell him that we could not accept a position at the church and that we felt the go ahead from God to start the church (we were going to be about 45 minutes away in a different part of the city that had a different social and economic status than where our home church was located. St. Louis area has a population of over 3.5 million people).

Here's a quick summary of this meeting:

1. We were given a lengthy sermon on sheep stealing
2. We were told that we would not get a public sendoff
3. He told us about another pastor, Rick Hufton, who wanted to pioneer "down the street" from his church (in Kirkwood, MO). He said he told Rick that it would cause confusion. After a year of sitting on this, Rick eventually went to Illinois to pioneer his church.
4. He warned us against 'luring' people with opportunity.
5. He told us we could create a 'vacuum' (whatever that meant).
6. It was implied that we would not be welcomed any longer at the church.
7. He did end with the statement "it's a big city, let's win it for Jesus."

This is the point where we began to experience the effects of a controlling pastor (the spiritual abuse).

One by one, our friends started pulling away from us. These are friendships that we had for years, many were prior to the beginning of this church. I remember a close friend of mine, Chris Whitney, and I would go to lunch at least twice a week. This pattern immediately ceased. Our kids lost their entire group of friends.

Sermons were preached at SLFC about "Ishmael" works being started in the city. Stories were told of cults that began when disgruntle and bitter people left one church to start another. Jeff began telling others of people he supported in the ministry who were betraying him, attacking him, etc. I wrote Jeff tons of letters, emails, faxes, etc. requesting a meeting to discuss the things I was hearing... NO RESPONSE. To this date, almost 2 years later, he still refuses to speak to us. We were told that "God" forbade him to speak to us, even though the Word says to go to your brother.

In the process, we've lost almost all of our friends who attend that church. In a church of over 2500 people, many of whom we knew for over 15 years, there is currently only 2 friends with whom I communicate, my accountant, Curt Swearingen, and a high school friend, John Ashley.

Jeff did everything he could to squash what we felt we were supposed to do. The few friends that wanted to simply help us had meetings with the Pastoral staff and many told us that "God" told them they could not be a part of what we were doing. We heard that our pastor continued to speak against us. Even my best friend at that time was told to 'distance' himself from me.

On a side note, all the other missionaries who returned home (except for his brother) were also all given the left-foot of fellowship. Other leaders also met the same fate. Debbie Amundson, who had led worship at the first service and had served in the youth meetings for several years as well (about 18 years total), was told not to return to the church because she felt God leading her to 'moonlight' as a worship leader for Mark Velten, a traveling evangelist (another former member who the Pastor could not control). The bottom line was that anyone who felt called of God to do anything outside of that church's walls and vision were not needed and therefore discarded.

In the past couple years, we've ran into many other folks in our city that have been through similar spiritual abuse. Many of them were hurt and discarded right under our noses and we didn't have a clue. God, forgive us.

We're not bitter about this (even though most of our ex-friends categorize us as that). A bitter person would not keep attempting reconciliation. We are, however, still hurt by this situation and the loss of our close friends who we thought would be friends for life. To have a Pastor, who was in a pastoral role for almost 18 years of ones life, since the early teen years, totally turn their back on you and encourage others to do the same is not an easy situation to deal with. We thank God for His help and guidance.

Paul
September 2000

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Notes:

I have copies of all our faxes, emails, letters, proposals, and meeting notes from all the meetings we had Jeff.